Reformating My Heart

This blog is almost reaching its first year and as my first entry said:

"All endings are also beginnings..."

Almost a year ago, I experienced my first life-turning experience.
Almost everyone in church knew me or at least sees me. I regularly attend devotions and was very active in my ministry. Everyone thought I was spiritually healthy. But in reality, I was spiritually dead. I did church work just because I got used to it. But my heart was far from God. I was a hypocrite and that is why God had to give me a little spanking. He had to let me fall down so I had no where else to look but up and notice the hand He kept on reaching out for me to take. It was not that easy because I had to let go of a lot of things when I accepted His hand to get me out of the little mess I made. Taking His hand means leaving my old lifestyle behind. No more hypocracy. I had to reformat my heart. God is now my new OS.

"...we just don't know it at that time."

We may not know what God's plans for us is but know that He knows what's best for us. I will not say that I'm living a perfect life now. My system still sometimes experiences some hang-ups, viruses and bugs but God always troubleshoots and takes care of me through Anti-virus programs like fellowhips, devotions and ministry.

"All endings are also beginnings, we just dont know it at that time."

Lesson learned: LISTEN

When you hear God knocking at your heart, don't pretend to be deaf. Don't wait for Him to stop knocking because when He does, you realize that you've already fallen too deep.

God wants to help you but you too have to do your part.

Seek God.

Life as a Christian

(Note from the Author: These are things I picked up from celgroup meetings.)

"Life is easier when you are not a Christian..."

It's true. Being a Christian is NOT easy.
When I became a Christian, I became skisophrenic. Everytime I need to make a decision, there are two personalities (the worldly and the Christian) arguing in my head. The worldly point of view would usually be more pleasurable but the Christian view is the right thing to do. Imagine the struggle I experience whenever I have to make a decision. No matter how much I want to listen and give in to the worldly view, I still have to do the Christian way because it's the right thing to do. I guess that's why some people refuse to believe in Christ because they know that being a Christian means that we have to live by the restrictions and commandments given to us by God. That means, no smoking, premarital sex, drugs and the like. But let me finish the quote.

"... But life without Christ is meaningless."

I would agree that smoking, sex and drugs gives us pleasure. But does it last?
People drink, smoke, take drugs and engage in sex because they like the feeling they get from it. But does the feeling last?
It's natural for humas to look for happiness. But we humans always look for happiness in the wrong places. Worldly happiness is temporal but the joy God gives us is eternal. Only God can satisfy our longings. Not money, not sex, not drugs can satisfy us. But being a Christian does not mean that we are free from these temptations. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we do not sin and are perfect. We are also humans and are also prone to temptations. That is why it's hard to be a Christian. A non-Christian would easily give in to it. But we have to do what pleases God out of our love for Him. But God doesn't let us fight empty-handed. He promised that we have the guidance of the Holy Spirit to help us win over Satan.

"Life may be easier when you're not a Christian, but life without Christ is meaningless."

My Deadly Sin - Pride

A few months back, I was struggling with my pride. People around me were trying to convice me to settle unresolved issues I had in the past. But I was too hard headed. The more they were trying to convince me, the more I hardened my heart. I felt that it was a battle between me and the people. Giving in to them and making the first move for me was a sign of weakness and I didn't want to be the weak one. I made up so many reasons to why I SHOULDN'T make the first move:

- I also felt that it was no longer necessary to clear things up since i've already explained my side so many times and everytime i do so, he says he understands. I THOUGHT he really understood me.
- I didn't want to make the first move because i dont want him to think that i still like him and that I want things to go back the way they were before.
- I was bitter and angry. ("I didn't do anything wrong! He snubbed me first. If he really loves me like he proclamied, then he wouldn't just snubbed me because I told him to wait.")
- I felt betrayed. ("Where are your promises now?")
- We're both happy with our own lives now, what's the point of digging up the past?

I can think of so many other reasons to NOT resolve the issue but only one reason convinced me to do it: It's what would Jesus do.
If Jesus was in conflict with someone, He would have settled it.

GOd spoke to me when I was reading the Bible one day. I came upon a bible verse that says: "So when you offer your gift to God at the altar, and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar and make peace with that person, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23-24, NLT).

I'm not saying that the person I'm referring to has wronged me. I believe that it's not anymore a matter of who's right or who's wrong. It's a matter of different opinions and views which were misunderstood and neither one of them cleared it up. So a simple misunderstanding grew into a big deal when other people got involved. I'm not blaming others for intruding the conflict. I understand that they have good intentions and I'm really thankful for their concern.

God spoke to me so many more times but I kept on refusing to listen to Him even though I know deep down I was letting Satan win through my pride. One incident that really pushed me to do it was through a series of dreams. I dreamt of writing a letter to the person and I really did it in reality. The problem was, I let pride get the best of me again so I kept the letter for about a month. I kept telling everyone and myself that I couldn't do it. But then I realized that everything is a choice. There's no such thing as I can't. It's just that I won't. I knew this had to stop. I wouldn't let Satan win anymore. The day I decided to lay down my pride was a personal choice. I didn't do it because people told me to. That day was just between me and God. I asked God to help me fight my pride. It was a struggle but I'm glad for I have victory in Christ. I have no regrets because I know I did the right thing. =D

Surrendering

The first time I REALLY felt GOd's power in my life was during the third term of my second year. Projects poured in and conflicts arose. I was on the verge of failing a major subject, there were misunderstandings between groupmates and everything was really out of order. I felt really hopeless. I had no where to turn to except God. It's when I realized that I have always relied on myself and only ask God for help when I couldn't handle it anymore. God was always last.

I guess it was GOd's way of calling me to surrender my life to Him because I've never really learned how to surrender fully before this incident. I was spiritaully high this time and felt God's hand carrying me through all the trials trying to block me from my goal. I felt invincible with God by my side. I felt the fire to serve Him and became more active in my ministry. I not only passed the subject but even made it to the Dean's List through God's grace. The term ended and I was very excited to finally get my well-earned vacation. It was the best summer vacation ever! But even though I was having the time of my life, I couldn't help feeling a little... empty. I felt God's grip loosening until He finally let go of me. I knew He was still there but I was scared because I couldn't feel Him anymore. I couldn't hear Him anymore. I even had a difficult time praying because I felt like nobody was listening to me anymore. I shared this to my councelor at the Powercamp and said that sometimes God gives us rest but it doesn't mean that we should stop serving Him. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. He just sometimes stays silent.